.Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Y
yea.
great.
i nearly failed my attachment on my third day of attachment.
argh.
haha.
n yea, thanks dat my ward sister gav me another chance.
kekeke.
thanks.
n yea, attachments getting tougher.
n im getting frustrated.
haha.
cant do wrong.
no medication error.
make sure patient doesnt fall.
dats important.
if u did one of those mistake, u FAILED.
.Sunday, February 25, 2007
Y
haix.
my phone's faulty again.
last month went servicing.
n i guess it need servicing again.
argh.
its the call list that is useless.
donno whats wrong wif the phone.
hmpf.
so guys n girls.
if u cudnt get thru me,
please do leave me a msg stating dat u're the one who called me yea.
if not, i wudnt knoe who hav called me.
___________________________
yesterdae training was ok.
gee.
stamina has drop.
gonna stop ehm.
haha.
i only say, but nvr.
so yea,
was thinking of gonna go swimming.
yest as we were heading down the park during training,
abg rad told me to either go swimming or just jog a few km.
i want to do.
but, no fren lah.
so like no mood to go.
hmpf. so sad.
____________________________
yea, i wanna follow!! keke.
nemind la. i guess u all need a guys day out aje.
hahaha.
but, can we follow?? heh.
____________________________
i cudnt get sleep the whole nyte.
was thinking bout what's been happening.
haix.
im totally like confused.
are things meant to stay this way?
cud we stop feeling this kind of emotions?
argh.
what shud i do to avoid this feelings?
i just want answers to everything.
haix.
_____________________________
.Friday, February 23, 2007
Y
yes! hehehe.
exams are finally over. n i just hope i'll pass this tyme round.
n yea. im so freaking happy.
keke. yes.
ive spent bout 1.5 hours searching his frenster.
goin thru my fren's friendster,
to his fren's frenster,
n to his fren's fren's frenster,
n to his fren's fren's fren's frenster,
n to his fren's fren's fren's fren's frenster.
n when i nearly gave up,
i saw a very familiar face.
yes! him. gee. was so freaking happy larh!!
n of course la i added him. how cud i not add him ryte.
kekkee. gee.
sorie yea i took ur photo.
heh. nah. i like ur cute face. haha.
that's the cute swinging guy.
the picture is being edited as i dont want to show his real cute face.
hahaha.
since ive added him at frenster,
ive known his name,
but, he dint add me at his msn.
okay, ive gotta get him to add me!
hmpf..
_________________________
'sumpah. Demi Allah'
remember that words my friend?
i dont knoe what to say.
when we say those three words stated there,
i guess its really serious dat we mean it n we arnt lying.
n yea, i wudnt knoe who to believe.
yet, u said it wasnt one sided.
but, dont u remember what u said?
not to me of course.
dat is why i hav to make decision.
to stop everything.
making sure dat i wont waste anymore tyme to someone who doeesnt appreciate me.
haix.
i wudnt knoe what to say.
____________________________
so, lyfe at home.
its goin back to normal.
only that i dont feel like normal.
i feel awkward.
dad once asked me who gave me the ring that i wore.
oh well, thank god dat its from my grannie.
hahaha.
_____________________________
aww.
damn it.
_____________________________
.Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Y
i promise i promise i promise.
anyone knoes wad i promised?
its a promise tat i will take it seriously now.
a promise to myself.
i am refreshing my lyfe.
i want nothing to do wif hym.
i just know his name.
the rest i dont.
i dont even wanna remember those memories.
painful. hurtful.
he's the fool n i was being a fool too.
he played wif my feelings.
but i dint.
i'll remember what u did to me.
those foolish things.
i cudnt take any longer.
gonna b three years ive endured.
now, stop treating like im a doll.
like ive got no feelings.
i have feelings, damn it.
WE have feelings.
n i want u to respect that.
respect.
respect me.
respect her who has a bf already.
n respect her.
it was my fault too coz i agreed all these years.
but it was UR fault that u played wif my feelings.
if u dont hav feelings for me, just get the hell out.
and stop making me obssessed bout u.
now, i knoe the truth.
the whole truth.
n now, im asking u to stop everything.
everything.
i just wish u get to feel what i am feeling.
the pain for all this years.
i want u to get this feeling.
i want u to suffer like how ive suffered.
i hate u.
freaking hate bout what u hav done to my feelings.
i just wanna say;
GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LYFE.
dont say love if u dont truly love.
but what exactly love means?
i forgot bout love.
it doesnt mean anything.
i want to stop love from happening.
i dont want any love.
but....
what is exactly love??
haix..
nisa, i miss the swinging guy at skewl.
haha.
looking at his face at my hp also cannot stop missing.
haha.
hmm. wonder if gonna meet him at skewl on fri.
i hope so.
cross my fingers...
i wanna knoe what is his name?
afta that, cud i know which course is he in?
n can i get his number?
haha.
nah. wudnt wanna b flirtish.
i just let things come.
klau jodoh tk kemane.
haix.
exams are last this friday.
i hope i can survive my other 3 papers that ive taken.
realie am scared.
afta dis week, gonna b attached to NUH for 3 weeks,
den afta 3 weeks, i donno what am i gonna do.
haiz.
i guess i betta start studying bio.
hmpf.
remember: i promised.
.Monday, February 12, 2007
Y
i had this terible quarrel wif my mom.
n yup.
im not talking to her as yet.
since thurs she has been finding my mistakes.
wad was wrong wif her.
i dont understand.
i knew she read my diary, which i had left it behind.
n u neednt hav to b sarcastic.
it truly hurt me.
i just hope u do understand wad i felt.
but i knoe, u wont.
u're just hav too old fashioned mindset.
please.
u hav a teenager child,den change it in a way dat u cud understand her.
haix. i really dont knoe where hav this family gone wrong.
we arent close.
we dont talk openly.
no parent child talk.
no mom daughter, dad daughter talk.
i dont know.
i am still not talking much to them. haix.
im still im a shock n too sad.
.Thursday, February 08, 2007
Y
a day dat i wouldnt wanna forget.
yesterday.
its was an experience.
dat i wudnt just stop thinking bout it.
i dont knoe how to stop thinking of it.
what had happened u wonder huh.
i wudnt need to tell u.
hmpf.
i guess it just wudnt be a great idea.
haix.
.Sunday, February 04, 2007
Y
oit babe eeta cute!
nah. our pixxx!!
taken at my house.
thanks for the make ups. hahaha.
love u babe.
do we look like models? haha.
the 'gelek' girls... haha.
oh gosh. i just love them. my sistas.
yea. my god sista n god brothers. love them!
afham!! cute la u.
me n adeq yasin!! gee.
hey bro. i hope u do take care of urself.
nxt tyme, dont giv in to ppl, no matter wad.
i knoe dat frens are much more impt.
but when it comes to our own feelings,
make it the first piority.
i hope u get wad i mean.
take care. love u bro.
me n nur aqilllah.
hehehe. her eyes so big!!
hahaha. cute ryte??.
she or erm me? haha.
i wud like to learn how to smile.
now, things have already change.
attitudes, behaviour, character.
its diff to pass thru life esp if we're in the young adult age.
getting to knoe bout urself,
bout ur own feelings.
n bout ur feelings to others.
love.
its a hard word to describe.
n it wudnt b hard if we've found the ryte person.
i found love a few years back.
but tat love had betrayed me.
n coz of the betrayal, i am afraid.
it is hard.
to forget the love.
i did manage. only for a few years.
ive suffered along the way.
along the years tat i tried to forget the love.
BUT.
dat love was still at the bottom of my heart.
i cant deny.
coz that love was a meaningful love.
i tried to find another love, but that love cudnt just get over.
that love was still remembered.
not until yest,
that love turned to b hatred.
hatred dat wasnt meant to be.
i cudnt hate that love.
the more i hate that love, the more i'll mesmorise that love.
n now,
i am missing dat love.
i miss u.
mayb trying to change to another love,
wasnt a good idea.
coz it izznt worth waiting.
he's waiting for her.
n i cudnt just blindly wait.
i wudnt wanna b labeled obsessed.
neither i wudnt wanna b labeled STUPID.
neither i wudnt wanna b labeled STUPID.
i dont know wad wud happen in my life.
esp my love life.
no one knows.
only The Above knoes wad is happening soon.
i dont know wad steps i wud wanna take.
i am getting over him.
i guess. n i hope.
i dont wanna disturb him.
but why am i thinking bout hym back?
its a tough desicion.
to decide.
whether to hope for that love to come back.
to the guy whu get injured during prac motor: if u're reading this.
i hope u did get to talk to hym.
i just cudnt stand his behaviour whenever if im ard.
haix.
it was over years back.
cudnt our friship last?
y izzit dat whenever we're in a grp,
u wudnt talk to me?
wad wrong hav i done?
it seems dat everythings over to u.
u wudnt want to get involve wif me.
why?
are u showing smiles coz u wudnt want me to knoe something?
i've known bout it.
no more secrets.
haix. i wudnt knoe wad to do now.
perhaps i'll just stay in misery.
.Saturday, February 03, 2007
Y
is this the ryte tyme to say goodbye?
i just cant do it.
-listen to ur heart-
i cant.
do u hear me crying?
i guess,
it was never the rite tyme to say goodbye.
today the real news came by.
heavy blow of the wind.
n it pierced ryte throu my cardiac.
but i tried to b strong.
n im hoping dat i am.
i tried.
but i am still craving for a huff.
gotta get it.
i cant stand it any more.
feeling hurt deep inside where no one cud even tell.
not even myself.
the news.
it seems dat its a love triangle.
its complicated.
but wad the wind told me dat,
he is waiting for her.
no matter wad.
he's alwaes there for her.
c-ing them alwaes together nowadays.
n them behaving quite intimately.
it just hurts.
looking at them walking directly infront of u.
he not even turn to say hello.
n she giving me dat kind of stupid look.
u dont havta boast ok.
freaking hate it.
i just hate it.
n they just walk pass u.
i had to b strong.
infront of my friends.
n infront of him.
looking in the eye at him is much more diff as days goes by.
she still hav a guy.
but at the same time, she likes him.
but she stiill wanna b wif his guy.
n him, knowing dat she likes him,
said,
he'd wait for her.
said,
he knows wad he's doin.
i just dont understand.
if u hav a guy, do behave like u hav one.
do u hav to flirt around?
just how many guys do u want?
mayb this was wad they say, teenage love.
monkey love. dog love.
wadeva love they hav.
i just find it stupid.
indeed u r.
waiting for a gerl, who likes u, but at the same time has a bf.
i just freaking hope dat u do know wad u r doin boy.
but weell, in deed i am stupid too.
still liking u, knowing dat u alreadi am serious bout her.
i just am freaking confused.
i just wish to scream.
to cry out loud.
oh God,
finnally i had the answers.
perhaps i wud just forget bout him.
try to like or look at another target.
mayb i could.
i shudnt b thinking bout him anymore.
nope.
i just hope so.
time wud tell. slowly.
but ryte now,
wad im gonna do is,
to cry....
crying makes u feel less pressurise.
feeling depressed just makes u try anything.
.Thursday, February 01, 2007
Y
im still searching for myself.
for an answers to the problems.
no matter how,
ive gotta search answers.
saw him at skewl todae.
perhaps he went skewl wit her.
ok. i'll stop this him n her thingy.
i dont knoe what are their rship.
friends?
close friends?
or intimate rship?
that is the ques.
whatever it is, i hope i cud take wadeva that is gonna happen.
i am standing by.
for anything.
soccer was great.
i shud hav been there.
wud b a scene to look at if the thai's n spore ppl fite.
haha.
but hopefully nothing get tense up yea.
yesterdae went to wisma atria to get my phone k800i for service.
he's gonna take my phone for two days.
boo hoo.
so sad.
no taking of pics no more.
but i do still hav a phone. X680.
its a not too bad phone.
at least i got phone to sms n call.
but its a pity dat everything in my sony phone gonna b lost.
esp in the inbox, the calender n of course,
my NOTES.
hur hur.
kenangan.
pahit dan manis.
haixxxx..