i forgot that tmr's gonna b a public holiday.
gee. guess dat i just wanna go skewl. hmpf.
gonna visit larkin tmr i guess.
i hope its not gonna be pack.

niwae, i was figgiting on my computer when i saw this windows media maker.
i tried doin a video about the journey that we spend for 3 years in nyp wif my friends..
starting from the 1st year, till today.
gee. funny sia the 1st year pictures.
we were so damn nerd!
so kwai kwai. hahaha.
but now arh, totally devil type huh? hahah.
nah. i guess we still hav the kwai kwai inside us.
this year wud b out last year in NYP.
n we only have half a semester to spend with each other
n we're gonna b posted to diff hospital for our PRCP.
haix. 3rds seems to past so fast.
haix. im just so scared..
im gonna miss u all.. awww... =]

i hate to be given a responsibility to do something.
its not dat i totally hate it.
i like being given a responsibility.
but if im being pushed to finish up what im being responsible for, i hate it.
i freakingly hate it.
argh.

i do have a temper.
do take note of it.
when i really cant take it, i might burst out in anger right at your face!
just watch out.
beware.

sometimes, we shudnt hope.
the more we hope, the much more danger we are in.

jodoh di tangan Tuhan.
jika ada benda yg tidak diingini berlaku, kita haruslah redha.
coz God knows what is the best for us.
we hav to accept the fact.
not all the things dat we want, we could get.
what we hav to do is just accept the fact
n dont put in too much hope on something.

there's a sentence saying in malay dat,
"hati yg sentiasa mengingati Allah akan menjadi lembut dan mudah menerima kebenaran."

so, always think of Allah n ur heart wud soften n u wud be able to accept the truth...

=]

hav u ever wondered if ur frens really apprieciate u?
hav u ever wonder if they cud accept u for who u r?
hav u even wondered that they cud b talking bout u behind ur back?
hav u even wonder that they cud betray u one day?
hav u ever regretted putting ur trust in someone?

how to find a fren dat we could call them a FRIEND.

before u speak, ask urself if what u r gonna say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful.
if the ans is no, mayb what u r about to say shud b left unsaid.

how do u feel when ur frens talked bout u behind ur back?

what difference do ur frens make in ur lyfe?

the only way to hav a friend is to be a friend....

i read teenage magazine recently.
just bcoz we got a goody back which has 3 teenage magazines inside.
so at home i just read through.
n there's this one section where teenagers who has prob, writes down to this 'Dear Kelly' section, bout their problems.
n i like one of the reply.
there's this gerl dat shares her prob..

her problem is dat:
she has a bf, who dumps her for her friend. they seperated. afta tat, the guy still met her n say that they shud get back together. her bf was playing with her feelings n betraying her friend. this guy suggested dat they shud meet behind her friend's back. she is torn between as what he suggested n being loyal to her friend. she says dat she still cudnt forget bout him. she hates him, but yet love him...

Kelly replied, it states dat: (i'm quoting from Teenage Magazine, October 2006)
"be wiser in your choice of men in the future. Stay away from a cunning, manipulative guy who is selfish n cruel. he will never bring happiness to any women who loves him. some guys cannot be faithful to one women. such man HAVE to be identified n avoided or great heartache await the women who r involved wit them.
Kelly said that, "she shud hav not agreed to meet him when he asked her to. she shud hav said, say whatever u wanna say now. i'll not meet u in private."
some guys doesnt respect women or know the meaning of loyalty. tell ur fren dat he wants to c u behind her back, assure her dat u r not interested in being used in this way n she shud dump him stat. this guy is a liar n a cheat. this is the type of guy who has many affairs n leaves his wife at home. this type usually neglects his family responsibilities.
women are seen as playthings. never sell urself short.
have dignity n demand to b treated with dignity.
how dare he suggest tat all u r good for is conducting a hidden rship with him. u will b used n cast aside like a discarded sweet wrapper.
u deserved to find a guy who will make u No 1 in his lyfe. someone who will show u off proudly to his frens n family members, not to hide u n use u!
you are not a human shield or a doormat for someone to wipe his feel all over. dont ever talk to that guy again. he can only prey on weak ladies. never agree to meet him anywhere. dont brood over this selfish guy.
consider urself lucky tat u've found out what he is really like before u invested more time n love in the rship.
go slow at the beginning of BG rship. start off as platonic friends n go out in a grp. get to know many guys n u will meet the right guy when the time is right. u will then be cherished, respected n really loved.
LOVE involves caring, sharing, mutal respect on both sides....."

i reallie love that reply. hmm..
so girls, beware of some of the guys.
find the RIGHT one.
take ur time.
like how im taking my time.
im aware of things now, n taking steps really carefully.
i hope u girls dont get trapped.
=]

i just wish i dont bump u at skewl anymore.
but it was great dat when we bump into u just now,
u didnt saw me.
if u saw me, i wud b blushing.
haha.
n i didnt expect u to be at taman warisan the other day.
from far u seems familiar.
den when u were closer, i realise it was u.
u n ur mom huh..
i wonder what u do at the bazaar..
i reallie hope u wud reply back my message yea..

sometimes i wonder if we are much more braver as a grp rather than being alone.
i guess its true.
but if u reallie want to know tt person, u wudnt mind if u're alone or not.
but i guess u wud much more dare to approach dat person when u're with a grp of frens.
i guess u wud scared to approach alone coz u scared dat u mite feel paiseh.
but yea.
i hate guys like tat.
they act big when they're wif their frens, but when alone, they seems so quiet.
hmm..
i dont know.

hmmm.. i started my day with someone whom i didnt meant to c.
i wasnt even hope to c.
but yea, just smiled and walk off.
dont want things to get much more complicated.
i'll shall not disturb u, dude.
dont u worry.
im not even hoping for anything.

does saying 'i love u' is just for that special person?
when we declare dat we love him/her, it doesnt mean dat we love them as someone special.
it cud be dat we just love them as a fren, as a sister/brother.
not more than dat.
fcuk.
we dont hav to love one person only.
when we know that we truely love our special someone, it doesnt mean dat we cant love others.
in a relationship, a trust shud be there.
trusting each other.

but sometimes when tat trust is given to someone, even a fren,
they wud betray u.
u thought tat they wud be there for u, but instead,
they are just playing around with u.
just how to trust someone when u're being betrayed not only once, but a few times?
hmpf.

at school met my dear huda.
cudnt catch much with her,
since she was with her frens.
it was her 2nd day dat NYP.
i hope u dont get lost yea dear. haha.

karma- what goes round come around.
its not happening to me.
but if its happening to u,
u deserved it.

mayb now life feels useless.
i just felt that ive got no one.

but im greatful and thankful dat i still hav HIM, even thou the rest all come and just go as and when they want.
HE has always been there for me.
HE knows how i feel.
HE test me with loads of challenges.
i just felt dat i cant handle the challenges dat HE gave me.
but i know, HE wont give us any challenges dat is hard for us to handle.
each day and nyte i spend some of my time with HIM.
i just put my both hands together and close my eyes.
each time i just feel lonely or troubled, i think of HIM and i'll just burst into tears.
i shared everything to HIM.
and i'll feel at ease.
but.
sometimes i blame HIM.
but i know i shouldnt.
coz HE knows everything.
nothing can be kept from HIM.
HE knows dat we can b strong if we want to be strong.
haix..
no matter what,
i know that HE wud never leave me.
but.
i cant c HIM not until 'The Last Day'.
HE is always in my heart..
HE is The Almighty God.
ALLAH S.W.T...

i just came back from lot one to print out my timetable.
n guess what?
damn it.
someone got stabbed under my block.
i tot what had happened.
i went towards a guy n a girl who are surrounding this girl.
i tot that girl fainted or what.
so as a concerned 'nurse' i asked what had happened.
den the guy, a lift repairer said dat the girl got 'choked'.
den i was like huh?
'choke?'
if she chocked, y wasnt she holding on to her throat? she was crying only.
den i asked again, 'what?'
by the time, the victim's fren, was taking out the victim's jacket.
the guy den told me dat she got stabbed.
den i panic. 'what?! stabbed?!"
i actuallie saw her under my block, when i wanted to head to lot 1..
den she was in a state of pain when i came back.
gosh.
things just happen in just a few minutes.
den i told the victim's fren to use the jacket to press hard on the wound.
then i asked what had happened.
the victim's fren told me dat she was just about to meet this victim when the victim called her n said she was in pain.
den she saw her in that state.
n im like got stabbed by what?
i tot a knife or what.
den by a penknife.
wow.
hmmm.
den a paramedic came by.
he den took over n asked the victim's fren question.
n im like a busy body, so i just go up back home instead.
i dont c why i must stay there.
i wasnt myself also when i went out.
hmpf. i dont knoe whats gonna happen nowadays.
hmm.. did she stabb herself or did actuallie someone stabb her by a penknife?
i wonder.
i looked out of my window and saw several police cars coming to my block.
oh well, it's indeed a police case.
for now, lets just let the police handle this case.
as for me, i think i did something for a help.
haha. did i? of course.
i help her press the wound, but i forgot to do something.
to assess her wound site.
hmpf.
learnt my lesson.
haha.
but did i actuallie do the right way by running away afta they seem dat they dont need me?
hmm.. ntah la..
i just dont wanna get into the picture.
a 'mystery' helper. hahaha.

there are actualie a lot of unanswered questions on my mind.
if only i could get everything answered.
n my life wud b freed by now.

time-table is out,
n it seems dat yr3 gonna be pack.
at lot of waking up early to go school n coming back late from school.
esp when we are having another extra training every tues, thurs starting on may to prepare for ourself for the PSK period.
n im only left with another 4more days to enjoy myself.
do ask me out yea..
oh yea, to eeta, when's our zoo trip?
to ayeisha, our sentosa trip??
to farhana, when's our outing to anywhere? haha.
oh well, sometimes we plan, but
we dont do it.
and why izzit so,? bcoz we just hav no time.
too packed i guess with each other's lyfe.
hmmm...

went to angsana yesterday.
the trip wasnt that great enuf coz the feelings wernt the same.
in that trip, i was much more on the quieter side.
but i realise i cudnt stay like dat.
giving in.
haix.
im scared dat my mom n dad wud b hurt coz i didnt talk to them.
haix.
but they, hurting me, they wudnt care.
i dont know what makes them to have the guts to invade my privacy.
i guess mom, dad, u both are getting too much.
i need some privacy n i expect u to respect it.
dont make me a fool.
stop thinking dat u can fool me, by goin into my room silently while im praying.
mom, dad, dont u think dat its too much?
i just dont know what makes them to do such things.
what have i done wrong??
i dont feel like home.
its killing.
i hav to be real careful at home.
one mistake, wud b a big problem.
haix.
oh God, just what shud i do now....
give in to them? haix....
wud they ever give in to me?..
____________________________________________

sometimes we hav frens dat are close to us.
but do we call them frens, when they are close to us only when they need us?
haix.
its freakingly sick in the ass.
i hate it.
i dont know what is actuallie on their mind.
hurting us?
or just using us?
haix.
its enuf for me.
i just cudnt stand any nonsense ryte now.
making me hard for myself thinking bout all this.
argh.
i just feel like shouting.
haix..
just when cud all this end, God.
please.. just give me some strength..
):
______________________________________

its the month of april.
another month passed.
its getting tougher to hold back my emotions as days goes by.
in my mind are just thoughts, questions, searching for an answer.

school's gonna start in 2 weeks tyme.
dat means dat ive stayed home for 2weeks.
wow.
what did i do?
oh well, i spent my tyme mostly at home i guess.
i just wanna spend my time during this last 2weeks.

last friday, went to meet nisa at woodlands.
she lent me 4 hindustan's cd.
im just bored, so i ask if i cud lend it.
ive watched 2 cds. n yea, indeed i did cry watching it alone. haha.
afta meeting her, i decided to treat myself to a movie.
i had this one ticket left. asked a fren if he wanted to follow but too bad he's not free.
so i went to yishun to watch a show.
at first i cudnt fine where's the cinema. i tot it mite b in northpoint.
but its just beside the mall.
i didnt know what show im gonna watch, so i just decide to watch 'stomp the yard'.
its an old story.
i tot there mite b people watching it.
but only me.
i was the only one in that damn cinema.
i totally hate that place.
the screen n the seating are so far back.
i sat anywhere by the side.
the show started at 1pm.
i was actuallie scared n not enjoying the show.
im glad my 2 frens msg me to accompany me. haha.
i tried to relax n enjoy the show,
but a noise makes me really uncomfortable.
its a dribbling water kindda noise.
slowly the noise getting noiser.
den i noticed what was wrong.
the wall above the screen was leaking.
water was goin down the screen.
dat was when i totally gave up n called a fren to accompany me as i get out of the cinema.
i cudnt stand another minute sitting there watching.
once outside, i realised dat it was raining heavily.
no wonder the wall was leaking.
i just felt like complaining dat the cinema was worse n i want them to return my tic.
but just forget it.
any way, thanks fren for allowing me to call u.
dont worry yea.
i know u dont love me anymore.
coz i also know dat i dont love u too.
i wish u'll find ur happiness.
_________________________________________

atmosphere at home wasnt the same.
haix.
its difficult to talk to them.
i dont feel dat we're close.
haix.
i am just so sad.
freakingly sad.
even my granny says dat my mom still hav 'this old fashioned way of thinking'..
i just dont know how to make them realise dat they are actuallie living in the millinia world?
haix.
i just feel dat its torturing me.
i dont know who to turn to whenever i think bout dis.
everyone doesnt seem to giv me a solution.
there seems like no solution, but to just endure it by myself.
i have to listen to them.
they are my parents.
haix.
i really dont know.
my mind is in a mess.
i just cudnt take anything anymore.
i know crying wont solve anything.
but it just ease the heart...
________________________________________

there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so Click here if you hate it.

I love to work.(as if)
I love to be myself. yea. true.
I mite look decent, and good; but not a trace.
I stay awake till dawn,
I make myself busy till dusk.
That's coz...
I'm me..
And i just like to make myself busy.

TEMPORARY UNAVAILABLE. WANNA CHAT. CALL ME FOR A CHAT AITES.

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