.Monday, November 26, 2007
Y
im getting bored with blogging.
i dont know what to blog bout.
my lyfe?
its dull.
boring.
but what else shud i say about?
none.
im so fcuked up with her.
whats wrong spending time with my own frens since we wont b meeting that often.
whats wrong?
just 3 hrs outside with them n she wants me back home alrdy.
its so unreasonable!
i just wish i cud get out of this.
if only i cud b like the others.
goin out as n when i want.
but still know her limits.
i do noe my limits.
i just want free.
ive had enuf.
im getting older.
stop it mom.
ibu ayah, i want both of u to know him.
every day i ask God to open ur heart to him.
i know he had done something wrong.
but i hope u've forgiven him n myself.
ryte now, i really do want u to get to know him.
i dont know why, but my uncles aunties n my cuzzin's granmother hav been teasing me if i alrdy hav one.
i want them to know that i hav.
but i want u to know first b4 them.
ive been wanting him to go up my house, seeking my parents permission to ask me out.
but one thing that he n me scared of...
dissappointment.
i wudnt want him to b dissapppointed if they wudnt lemme go out..
im scared.
his parents knew me already.
they already saw me face to face.
they've alrdy talked to me.
n now, his parents wants me to b much more closer to their family.
im glad bout it.
but, i want my family to accept him t0o.
how.. it has been on my mind all the time..
im sorry sayang bout my parents..
.Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Y
even though its been one full day u dint contact me,
ive been worried.
i cant help thinking of why arnt u contacting me.
ive been thinking for the worst.
my mind is going wild.
oh well,
want to know what i was thinking?
u guys know that im on attachment at NUH ryte now.
so my ward dat i am currently in is a surgical ward.
so ppl goin in n out from surgery.
but there are a lot of cases of RTA (road traffic accident).
n i tell u,
all the RTA cases are youngsters.
some are just minor cases.
but some, huh.
so far ive at least 5 patients with RTAs.
n the youngest was only 23.
n his condition was, huh.
it was terrible.
one leg was in a cast, part of the head went for craniotomy(dont know check dict.)
the part of the head was soft n the other was normal.
haix.
he cant really speak.
he speak baby words.
but he understands what we said.
its a pity.
n there's this gf of his, we were all wondering if what she felt is true love or is she just afta the money that later the bf get from the insurance.
it was a 'wow' topic during our breaks.
they were still quite young.
n i guess the guy really need a lot of time to heal.
n i hope he'll b better.
haix.
looking afta the youngsters, i felt for myself.
if this were to happen to the one that i love, can i b able to take it?
haix.
i just hope that it wont happen.
i wudnt wanna lose the one that i love most.
so guys out there taking or driving a bike,
please do b careful.
i wudnt wanna see those that i know is being admitted in the ward becoz of RTA.
please, think of ur love ones.
if not, think of me.
hahahaha..
so yea, i was just afraid that he mite b sick since he didnt contact me.
im imagining things i know.
n im taking it slow.
since that his pp was low, i shud just understand the situation.
but is he goes out witout me knowing, that'll b another topic.
hmmz,
.Sunday, November 18, 2007
Y
psst, i know ive not been updating.
im kindda busy actually.
with attachments.
attachments hav already started.
one week gone and eleven more weeks to go.
i can do it!
Insya Allah.
things are going smoothly.
but there are still rocky parts.
i am still feeling a difference each time im with him.
but i just cant deny that i love him so much.
i guess some people wud call me stupid to love someone back afta he left u in the lurch for 2 weeks.
but yea, i still love him.
im like a new girl, getting to know my bf.
its like as if we start to get to know each other from the beginning.
haix.
i just felt not ryte.
i dont know what else is he keeping from me.
i just wish that one day his heart wud open to me.
im still awaiting for the day that i cud get the love that i longed for.
Bie, I LOVE YOU.
____________________________________________
attchment for one week.
it was just the basic bedside job.
wasnt our purpose.
but it was part of it.
there's a lot coming up.
a lot of challenges.
i wish all my friends all the best.
dont give up.
i miss u.
_____________________________________________
.Monday, November 05, 2007
Y
u came back when u left me more than one week witout a trace.
now, u want me back.
did i ever leave u?
did we ever leave each other?
u were the one who left.
n now, u came back.
afta all the fun that u had, now u come.
bullshits.
rotten eggs.
i hate it.
i dont know what my heart says.
im confused.
totally.
just what kind of game r u playing wit me.
can u end this game.
y u find me back now?
why not earlier?
why not 10 years later??!!
fcuk.
please.
i beg u.
im not eating well.
im getting sick.
im having cramps.
i feel giddy.
all ur nonsense.
stop it.
what do u want?
even if i end up dead at the end of the road u wont know.
but God still wants me to stay strong.
n i will.
u want to play this game u r playing?
lets play.
i dont care if i dont eat one whole day.
i dont care if im sick.
i dont care if im dead.
u want to play the game.
lets play it.
i'll follow.
lets c how far this game will go.
lets see.
.Friday, November 02, 2007
Y
i gave up.
saw u near lot one.
but u didnt even contacted me to either meet me up.
but u'd rather go with her.
thanks.
such a pain in the ass.
thanks.
thanks.
thanks.
.Thursday, November 01, 2007
Y
today's the sixth day that he has not been contacting me.even on our anniversary he didnt bother to wish.i know his prepaid is low.but i know he went out wit his frens.den when he went out wit his frens, cudnt he just msg me using their num?is it so difficult?i ever asked whether i am a burden to him.n he said no.now den i realised that i am.if im not a burden, he cudve msg me or at least call me once a day.at least i cud know his whereabouts.but no.totally no news from him.just what kind of game is he playing with me.all his sweet words are just sweet in the mouth.
23rd oct 07 i looked thru his phone.she called up till 30 times a day.n yet i called barely for 10 times.she called u early in the morning.for what?calling u b4 i met u, for what?talking bout o levels?what rot!cycling with a girl early in the morning.yet, u arnt skewling.what was that for?!spending overnyte at skewl?dont hav cash wit u?hp batt low?what more reasons r u gonna gimme?!!seriously, if i am a burden, just lemme go.i wanna go away.the siilence is killing me.stop the silence.im letting u go.ive had enuf.cant u at least top up a few dollars to just msg me?cant u just at least use ur fren's hp to msg me?cant u?u memang tkd pendirian.i tak tau ape u nk.if u feel like u wanna b free, u are already freed for the past one week.if u want more freedom, i will giv u more.let me go n u'll hav the total freedom.u hav the freedom to go out with whoever gal that u wanna go out wit.u nidnt hav to bother bout my feelings, bout my jealousy.i guess ive enuf of ur sweet words.u gav me hope but u destroyed it.thank you for everything, zul.u go ur way. i'll go mine.
.
Y
everyone living in this world would die.
doesnt care what u r doin, where u are.
u wud just die there.
we dont know when we wud die.
coz fate is in His hand.
my grandad just passed away last monday, 29th oct '07.
one day afta his grandchild first birthday.
he wasnt at the birthday gathering cum hari raya gathering.
he was at home relaxing, coz he said he was tired.
the nxt day, ard 6am, we received a news.
my grandad wasnt responding anymore.
my dad was too shocked to tell his brother what to do.
n i was sleeping when there was a call.
ibu woke me up crying n said, Atok nan da tak de..
i spoke a verse n cried.
i felt for ayah, coz he cudnt get a chance to hav a last talk to him, despite we were quite near to atok place from the gathering.
i cried. but i tried to b strong.
ibu n ayah went to the house first as i had already booked a lesson.
there were many people in the house.
n i saw one motionless body being covered up, waiting to be bathe n at the same tyme waiting for my aunty from msia to come n c her dad.
my aunt's son drive up till 160km/hr at the msian expressway just to reach spore asap.
0930 at the exppressway till 1300 they reach in the house.
it was quite fast!.
all of us had the last tyme looking at our grandad n we kissed his forehead.
crying.
but my grandmother was strong.
she wasnt mourning. she was crying.
we slept 2 days accompanying my grandmother.
n now at home, we just hope that my gandmother wudnt b lonely.
coz she has 3 young grandchild to look afta.
n u know what,
my cousin who celebrated his first birthday the day before my grandad pass away,
he sleep with my late grandad's shirt.
if he cries, we put him in buai(swing) giv him my late grandad's shirt, n he'll keep quiet n go to sleep.
haix. he just miss his grandfather.....
we miss u atok.......
_________________________________________________________
would u call him a special friend or ur bf if he doesnt contact u for 5 days.
does he fit to b called a bf?
his prepaid was low, his bill havnt fully paid.
but yet, he cud at least top up or use his friend's or sister's or mother's hp just to msg me ryte?
not till one whole week he stayed silence.
the last time i heard him was when he sent a msg stating that he went overnyte at his skewl.
he dint hav cash with him n his batt was flat.
wad more reason r u gonna give?
cant u ask someone for a hp just to send me one msg?
i dont know what game r u playing with me.
ive had enuf.
if u feel like finding me, u find me.
when u feel that u dont want me, u dont find me.
thanks.
now i knoe.
i gave up.
i'll c for how long more u wud leave me in silence.
i hope u r enjoying urself.
n i know u r.
enjoy enjoy enjoy!