.Thursday, December 27, 2007
Y
titisan airmata ku tidak akan mengubat rinduku.
haix.
hmpf,
i dont know what else to b updated.
.Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Y
u gave me more weakness when u msgged.
im missing you so much. haix.
.Sunday, December 23, 2007
Y
working on saturday and sunday feels like u r working during weekdays.
i thought it was a monday since yest..
haix..
work is fun.
i enjoy doing it, even though its tough.
i didnt even went for break.
even if i do, it'll b just for like a few minutes n i'll be out to continue my job.
i wont eat.
nah. dont feel like eating.
__________________________________________________
sometimes, i wonder,
why must people live to lie?
i mean, why must they lie n not tell the truth?
why must they keep a secret when they r supposed to share each n everything together?
why must we now know the truth when everything is already over, n getting to know that for all this while, u have been lying.
if its a shame for u to b wit a girl that wear a tudong, tell me.
if u think that being wit a girl that wear tudong u cant do much with her, tell me.
if u think that being with a girl that wear tudong u cant drink, u cant pierce, u cant tatoo, u cant do what ever things that u wish to do, TELL me.
its fcuking irritating.
n im fucking fcuked up with guys.
just becoz sometimes u saw me dont wearing tudong afta i get back from werk u tried to get to know me. den afta getting to know that im a girl that wear tudong, u turned ur way.
what was that fcuking attitute for!
i know that being with someone who wear tudong, there are many things that is restricted.
that is why, think twice if u want to b someone who wear tudong.
if u want to enjoy life, u want to drink, u want to pierce ur whole body, u want to do a tatoo here or there, go ahead n dont find urself a minah tudong.
im sorry bout all the F words but i just cudnt take it.
.Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Y
i was browsing thru my photobucket, den i saw my long tyme no see, no hear from them.
i miss their presence.
i miss their comforting words.
i miss them..
girls.. i miss u..
i need a shoulder to cry....
.
Y
er.. dolls?? i look like one not?
dont we look like couple?? kakaka.. its my dad mind you!!.
mmmm...
last tyme used to b the four of us each tyme we went out to town to eat ayam penyet. but now, one left. its three. back to sq one.
i do not wish to make another mistake.
im gonna work n make money for myself.
im gonna enjoy life as much.
im getting materialistic.
bcoz of that guy.
ive had enuf spending my own money on him.
now. i need ppl to spend money on me.
hahahaha.
bad sia.
but what to do.
its lyfe.
nah. i work, i got paid, i spend on myself.
even if i hav someone, there wudnt b any chance that my money wud b spend on him.
take note of that.
wakakakakakakakkakaka....
.Monday, December 17, 2007
Y
can stop dreaming bout u not?
im begging u.
get out.
i want to stop dreaming of u in my dreams.
just go.
.Thursday, December 13, 2007
Y
until now, im still finding the reason.
until now, im still finding y ur love died for me.
until now, i still cudnt get y u msged me just one sentence.
until now, i still cant get over.
now, u're spending time with her.
now, ur lyfe seems to b brighter.
now, u seems not to care.
coz now i know dat u wernt even bother.
why.
why izit so hard for me?
why do they take love for granted?
why.
why dont they treasure?
i dont know whose fault.
him? her? or me?
i just cant help thinking where it goes wrong.
ppl keep asking me if im fine.
i am fine outside.
but questions are loads inside.
i wish i cud end my attachment fast n just go out of here.
i just feel like goin far.
i dont feel like staying.
im goin out from singapore nxt yr to spend tyme outside.
i dont mind goin alone.
i'll b visiting my aunt in australia.
i cant wait for that.
n i really hope,
a new year coming up,
a new life resolution for me.
a new lyfe.
a new aim.
but i cant deny,
i miss him.
.Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Y
oh well.
lyfes back to sq one.
nothing to do when im not working.
no one to go out wit when im bored.
no one to tawn with either.
haix.
darn.
i hate it when i heard news bout him.
it hurts me.
n den i'll start remembering everything again.
God, please help me in this once more.
Please make me strong.
I wudnt wanna b weak just bcoz of a human being.
guys n girls.
please ask me out if u're free this sat..
im planning to go out, but i dont knoe where to head to.
do ask me out yea.
n yea, for respect sake,
please tag me each tyme u come in.
thanks..
.Friday, December 07, 2007
Y
a picture of him n "his close fren".
everything happens for a reason..
lyfe still goes on even witout u..
i knoe dat u'd b okay witout me.
as it had been already 3 times dat u left me alone.
now, ur wish is full-filled.
im leaving u alone for good n hope dat u'd b happy wif ur fren.
i dont deserve u.
i dont show u the concern that ur fren showed.
i dont show u that i needed attention just by sitting at the ledge.
i guess if showing u that i love u by jumping down, i'd b labelled crazy.
or stupid.
bcoz i am stupid.
but i still, the bottomline is, i dont sit at the ledge.
i guess its time for u to really think who deserve u.
or do u actually deserve any one of us?
think that.
dont love me just bcoz ur mom likes me.
love someone that u love.
n not by forcing u to love someone.
i felt the love b4 all this happen.
but what happened to the love now?
i dont feel it.
n i dont think that i will.
i dont want to be labelled a goo-goo who goes crazy for a guy.
i dont want to be like someone who contact the ex, going out wit the ex, even thou they know that they are attached.
even thou they're frens, but what kind of frens are they if they contact, saying the 3 words, talking on the phone, n goin out together witout telling?
i dont understand.
i guess its stupid.
stupid.
oh yea, one more thing,
tell ur mom to stop finding me each time u didnt come home.
i dont know where the hell u r.
i dont even wanna know who u r with.
but of course.
deep inside, i still care bout u..
________________________________________________
lyfe at the ward is nice.
not thaat stressing as we only handle two cases this week.
its gonna b tougher as days n weeks goes by..
ive been eating n spending my money on food.
i just get so easily hungry.
i just wanna eat.
patient's realative hav been looking at me as if i am a star.
they wud praise me that i look nice and sweet..
esp with my mole beside my lips.
i mean, i like that.
but dont praise me too much, if not, my pants wud drop!
haha.
actuali i just dont want them to praise me infront of my frens.
i just feel bad.
heh.
n yea, there's a time that the patient's son teased n talked to me.
the last time i wanted to go home, he even wanted to send me!
but too bad, i said no n rushed off quickly.
n it was raining lar, how am i suppose to tompang u wif ur bike!
buek.
but thank goodness the nxt day, the patient alrdy went home.
haha.
n i got to know that the patient's son was my friend's ex! gosh.
haha.
do i look like an Indonesian?
do i look like Myammarnise?
Arabian?
gosh.
i got so many of the petient's relative saying that i look like all of the above.
they even sometimes spoke to me in chinese!
gosh.
but it was fun lar.
if they like to c me, that means they like my service.
haha.
as in treating their sick ones lar.
every day witout fail, i wud smile.
there wudnt b a day since the very beginning that i put a sad face.
even thou there was a time that i was emotionally down in the early morning, i had to smile to my patients.
if making them smile n feel better is my duty,
im doing it from the bottom of my heart..
_________________________________________________
.Monday, December 03, 2007
Y
should i drink the lemonade when everyone around me says tt the lemonade is very sour n that its bad for my health?
i keep on putting sugar to try to make it sweet.
but it is still sour.
i tried to drink a bit of the lemonade, n i already felt the heart ache.
i dont know if i shud drink all in one gulp, or shud i throw it away?
ive got no more strength to drink everything.
no one gives me the motivation to continue drinking the lemonade.
no one wants me to be sick.
they want me to throw the lemonade n let it flow to the sink.
but im sitting at the fence, looking at the lemonade.
shud i drink? or shud i put it aside?
no one agrees in drinking.
they just agree in throwing.
i need the lemonade to guide me to drink it,
not me guiding the lemonade that it shud b drank by me..
im trapped in the fence.
__________________________________________________
it was a fullstop.
not a comma, not a pause.
FULLSTOP.
it was an end.
end to my disappointment.
end to my misery.
end to my cries.
why does my love lyfe always end this way?
why does it always be me who is sick?
i initiate the bif fullstop, not bcoz i dont love him.
but if denial meets the face of reality, then the meaning of love blooms..
all this while i was sincere n i nvr regretted it..
im sure u're gonna b okay since u've loads ard u.
i just dont feel that i belong here,
i hope u understand.
ive lost some of ur love each tyme u disappeared.
6mths being together seems to b a week that i got to know u.
we seems to drift apart.
n i think we just cant stand any longer in this thin string.
if fate decide for us to b together, den we'll love each other more than ever.
but if fate denies, i guess this wud b the last breath of me.
i cant deny that i love u.
all this while people hav been saying how stupid i am to love someone like u.
i cant giv them an answer.
i just love u.
i didnt bother to listen to them.
i tried to stay strong even without their support just to save our rship.
but slowly, i get to c the meaning of this rship.
there seems to hav no meaning to u.
u seems not to b stressed each time u disappeared.
but i'd b the one whu'd b stressed up.
ive been wanting that love that i lost each time u disappeared.
but it just got worst.
we wont talk.
how am i to trust u if u didnt tell me the truth.
i told u i dint mind u goin out wit her,
but y didnt u tell me.
looking at the pixs u two took, being closely together, hurts me.
do u even know that?
u dint.
u dint even bother.
dont u just get the hint that i wudnt want u to contact her?
dont u get it??
i need someone to guide me in lyfe,
not someone that i shud b guiding.
i think u shud think of what u want in lyfe.
i think u shud think of which direction to go and not just wander ard.
if u find ur answer, den u'd b okay..
i hope u understand.
im trying to stay strong witout u.
thank you for everything.
memories of us wudnt b easily b erased..
take care...
_________________________________________________