.Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Y
i dont know what i felt.
the feelings so strong i dont know where it came from.
sometimes it gives me strength and sometimes it gives me weakness.
being afraid to handle problems at a certain time.
when the time is true, i wish i knew.
whether or not to be.
will the sky accept the sun when the stars are not there?
when the sun is not as beautiful as the stars?
i wanna thank to yasin, for u know i know the public donno bout "in the process"
if it arnt bcz of u, the lamppost wudnt meet the tree to see how sweet the tree is.
.Saturday, April 26, 2008
Y
hmpf..
sick?
gonna take mc?
hmm..
haix.
donno.
just so lazee to work..
haix.
so bored.
.Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Y
i dont care..
im gonna get myself a card by today.
im gonna use my own money for my own expenditure.
not to use up ayah's money.
haix.
im working, n now ive a responsibility to give them money.
haix.
i miss them.
i miss him.
i miss everyone....
.Saturday, April 19, 2008
Y
argh. darn.
saw his face.
the urge to ask me.
darn u.
fcuk.
i miss all the peoples in cck. haix.
.Saturday, April 12, 2008
Y
wit peeps.
haha. playing games n having fun.
sleeping over wit bestie.
yay! haha.
tmr's starting working with a new uniform.
haix.
condition at mom's place still havnt settle yet.
atok CONFIRM goin to the nursing home.
haix.
another one member of the family to go.
that's another lost for my aunt.
and now living permanantly at t.blangah.
with my house at ccck empty.
i missed my bed, my house.
i miss living in cck.
the frens that i always hang ard with is just there at cck.
haix.
mayb adapting is the answer....
.Friday, April 04, 2008
Y
April 1st 2008.
i updated my blog b4 goin out to visit mom.
n i dint know it was the last time tat i wud see her..
the changed from icu to normal wards shows tat the doc's cant do anything much.
most of the people were there.
i went near her, at that time she still open her eyes, shaking and nodding head.
i told her tat im here n tat she shud b strong.
there was when i saw a tear.
i picked a tissue n wipe the tears.
afta a few secs, she didnt breathe.
i was so so so so shocked!
was is my mistake of wiping that tears??!
God.. why did u take mom away that moment??
the moment when i dint even know what she wanted to say the day b4 she died?!
im still wondering of what mom wanted to say to me the day b4.
the day when she become so active, so talkative witout a voice.
the day when she looked at me one kind and mumbled to herself for quite some time..
mom, what are u trying to say??
i wud take care of makbusu(my aunt) n atok..
dont worry..
i'll treat my aunt as my sister..
bout atok, im sorry that he's gonna leave us to somewhere even betta..
me n makbusu cant do anything coz we hav no money.
ryte now the concern is money.
if only.......... haix..
i cant bear to see mom in the white cloth.
being wrap inside makes me weak n just wanted to cry more..
the coldness cud b felt when i kissed her forehead..
seeing her being carried outside and being brought to her new place.
till now, im still wondering of what she wanted to say to me.
each time remembering on the way she looked at me, i felt guilty n tears started running down when i knew tat i dint know what she wants...
God, please let her be happy.
i know she suffer a lot in the world.
n i dont wish to let her suffer in the other world.
she has enuf suffering of taking care my atok, and her children..
i cant bear looking and thinking bout her..
she's my beloved grandma n wud always b in my mind.
i missed the love that my grandma gav me whenever i dont feel the love from ibu..
i just miss her..
Semoga Allah Mencucuri rahmat terhadapnya.. Al-Fatihah. Amin.
.Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Y
im home.
back to cck.
only for a few hours.
or mayb afta dis.
i would rush back to sgh.
to see my beloved granny.
doc says tat she's very very very very critical.
im scared.
scared that she cant hold on.
i miss her.
n i know how much my aunt misses her too.
mom(grandma), please hold on.
we know that u r strong.
u've been doin fine since the day u were in icu.
n we want u to be discharge.
yest we went to visit her.
she wanted to talk.
but we cudnt get what she wanted to say.
her eyes opened big.
n looked at me and she mumbled.
i cudnt get what she was saying.
n i felt guilty coz i dint know what she wanted to say.
i cried so hard coz i want to know what she want.
i felt bad.
i really want her to speak.
i miss her.
i cant bear to see her in the situation like that.
doc cant do anything.
cant do surgery for her, coz she'd die in the operating theatre.
they're doin the best to find an antibiotic to kill the virus inside her.
we cant do anything.
even as a nurse, im mum.
i dont know what to say to my aunts bout her condition.
i just pray that she gets well.
im scared bout what the doc has to say.
n now, doc just said that she's very critical.
what does tat mean??
_______________________________________________
having to know some new frens mite just troble u more.
u wudnt know who to b wit the new frens.
argh.
its killing me.
esp now when my grandma is critical n those frens just wudnt understand n rush for ans.
haix.
i just dont want any of it ryte now.
i just want someone to b there in this situation.
but they seems not to care.
ive nothing to say,
but im confused.
________________________________________________
finally, eira n eiz are back together.
at last.
saw them holding hands.
haha.
cant take it when he quickly let go of her hand when he knows im ard.
cmon.
i alrdy know the story.
u're no longer in my life.
i dont care.
i dont bother.
idiot.
_________________________________________________