.Saturday, February 28, 2009
Y
its pains me, but i missed it.
i miss those peoples involved.
i miss them. n i do miss -.
almost 6mths has already pass. its been 6months people who are involved in this so called 'rainbows' arnt meeting any longer. i had fun with them. enjoying our time together, spending the night hanging around, talking our feelings out. i still remember the first day we met; it was so meaningful. although some things was a lie, but it was a white lie, and if not, i wudnt have met you, i wudnt hav known such a guy like you. i didnt know why till now, it lingers in my mind, in my heart--yet knowing that u arnt mine. (you arnt mine in the first place thou). those time pass by, we tend to be fond to each other, misunderstanding took place sometimes, one thing, we knew our feelings are true. (sometimes im still wondering whether those words were ur true feelings). everything was sweet, so sweet, till i had a fight with my parents, i nearly fought with you. once i heard, u wanted me to be the special one, but something just makes you to change ur mind.(to give you time?) there's a time that i accompanied you to school, you were on ur laptop, texting, i wanted to take a peek, but you closed it up. it made me suspected bout you n ur ex, till bout 2wks later everything just ended. some feelings cant be force. if it was easy for you to fall for me, it was easy for you to fall out for me.(???) i remembered that you once asked if i wud wait for you till u end ns, i answered 'yes'. but you made your decision to move on without me, coz you dont want to make me hurt more if there was a story between us. i couldnt get the reason to that. i do find myself irritating at times, pushing you around the last time to do something that you dont want to do. but somethings just cant be seen. it was unintentional. one mistake- we dint open up with each other. you tend to keep ur feelings, not telling me, and i kept doing the same thing till it ended. i was at fault, by telling you that i do like you. i loved you then before.
now, i heard you are happy with ur ex girlfriend. im happy for you. i dint get to meet you up even once after we ended the close friendship we had. sometimes it just came out of my mind, 'do you even miss me? -haha. yea ryte. i mean, do you miss those times we had with the rest of them?' but yea, something just cant be force. i wouldnt know whether you will or will you not. it makes a difference to just say hi. love cant be force, love can develops just like that and go just like that. love can blossom agian, and can just leave you behind. ur love left me, but ur love blossoms back to ur ex gf. here i am, wishing you. happiness. i shud say u two are lovable.
now, my heart is sealed. it just seems sealed tightly by what happened before. i miss it so much till i cant open up to the current person i went out with. i know im making the wrong move by accepting the person without asking my own heart. currently, i dont know what i should do. the thoughts of the memories are just inside this head. i want to get it out. maybe it just takes time. slowly. but deep down, of course im trying my best. still running for my lyfe. im just running away from myself, from bf. bf is in army now, he's rarely at hm, even thou he tries to call me, i just dont find anything to talk to. and me, being me, i must hav someone i need to talk to, and witout bf, i tend to think bout last episods. this is my weakness. i know im wrong. i just need time.
i need time.
bf, im sorry.
.Monday, February 16, 2009
Y
cudnt tell u how long i did not update.
its gonna be a month ever since my last entry.
it had been the longest day that i ever got sick.
its been already a month n ive went to the doc twice.
the reason to why im sick?
due to goin out with frens at nite, eating chilli padi with soup at sweensons.
ther was flu, cough and the sight of my sputum just makes me puke.
green. yucks.
n then my voice was hoarse.
just like a horse.
it was like a voice of a man.
so totally not me.
doesnt suit the image that im in.
haaa.
so now, so far ive recovered, but not fully.
one per 10, i'll be coughing away.
so far so good.
nisa, hana n meiyi,
its a pity that i didnt meet u guys.
i was so fcuking tired, with a horse voice, dizziness and stomach cramps.
i'll meet u guys sum other days.. i promise.